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Hi there Stranger: Musings on Trendy Intimacies
By Manuel BetancourtCatapult: 240 pages, $27If you purchase books linked on our website, The Occasions might earn a fee from Bookshop.org, whose charges help impartial bookstores.
It’s telling that Manuel Betancourt’s new ebook, “Hello Stranger: Musings on Modern Intimacies,” grounded in queer concept and abolition, takes its title from a line from the 2004 movie “Closer,” about two messed-up straight {couples}.
The selection of “Closer,” “a bruising piece about the rotting roteness of long-term intimacy,” as Betancourt places it, is an expertise acquainted to many. 2024 was a 12 months during which marriage, particularly heterosexual marriage, was taken to job. Miranda July’s most up-to-date novel, “All Fours”; Sarah Manguso’s scathing novel “Liars”; nonfiction accounts similar to Lyz Lenz’s “This American Ex-Wife”; Amanda Montei’s “Touched Out”; and even the late entry of Halina Reijn’s movie “Babygirl” all present that, on the very least, girls are unhappy with heterosexual marriage, and that some are being destroyed by it.
The straight male expertise of sexual promiscuity and journey is nothing new. It has been nicely trod in novels by writers similar to John Updike and Philip Roth and extra not too long ago, Michel Houellebecq. In cinema there are erotic thrillers — suppose “Basic Instinct,” “Fatal Attraction,” “Eyes Wide Shut” — during which males are the playboys and girls the collateral harm. Betancourt tells us that “Hello Stranger” begins in “a place where I’ve long purloined many of my most head-spinning obsessions: the movies.” However this ebook isn’t concerned about gender, or heterosexuality. It’s an embrace of what makes us human, and the methods during which we keep away from “making contact.” Betancourt needs to point out that the best way we relate to others usually tells us “more crucially” how we relate “to ourselves.”
By means of chapters targeted on cinematic tropes such because the “meet cute” (“A stranger is always a beginning. A potential beginning,” Betancourt writes) and investigations of sexting, cruising, friendship, and coupling and throupling, “Hello Stranger” is a assured compendium of queer concept by way of the lens of popular culture, navigating these points by way of the work of writers and artists together with Frank O’Hara, Michel Foucault and David Wojnarowicz, with tales from Betancourt’s personal private expertise.
In a dialogue of the discretion wanted for long-term relationships, Betancourt displays: “One is about privacy. The other is about secrecy. The former feels necessary within any healthy relationship; the latter cannot help but chip away at the trust needed for a solid foundation.” Within the chapter on cruising, he explores how a apply related to pursuit of intercourse generally is a mannequin for all times exterior the construction of heteropatriarchy: “Making a queer world has required the development of kinds of intimacy that bear no necessary relation to domestic space, to kinship, to the couple form, to property, or to the nation.”
The chapters on cruising and on friendship (“Close Friends”) are the strongest of the ebook, although “Naked Friends” features a pleasant revisitation of Rose’s erotic awakening in “Titanic.” Betancourt makes use of the historical past of the friendship, and its “queer elasticity” utilizing Foucault’s imagining of friendship between two males (“What would allow them to communicate? They face each other without terms or convenient words, with nothing to assure them about the meaning of the movement that carries them toward each other.”) to delve into Hanya Yanagihara’s wildly profitable novel, “A Little Life.” He quotes Yanagihara, who echoes Foucault when she says that “her interest in male friendships had to do with the limited emotional vocabulary men (regardless of their race, cultural affiliations, religion, or sexuality—and her protagonists do run the gamut in these regards) have.”
Betancourt thinks in regards to the suffocating actuality of monogamy by way of Richard Yates’ devastating novel of home tragedy “Revolutionary Road” (and Sam Mendes’ later movie adaptation), mentioning that marriage “forces you to live with an ever-present witness.” In writing about infidelity, he explores Stephen Sondheim’s musical “Company” and quotes Mary Steichen Calderone, former head of Intercourse Data and Schooling Council of the US, in her analysis on adults who have interaction in extramarital affairs: “They are rebelling against the loneliness of the urban nuclear family, in which a mother, a father and a few children have only one another for emotional support. Perhaps society is trying to reorganize itself to satisfy these yearnings.” These revelations are essential to Betancourt’s argument — one in every of abolition and freedom — that think of the work of queer theorists just like the late Lauren Berlant and José Esteban Muñoz.
Betancourt in the end involves the conclusion popularized by the author Bell Hooks, which is that amid any dialogue of identification comes the simple: our humanity. He quotes Hooks’ citation of the author Frank Browning on eroticism: “By erotic, I mean all the powerful attractions we might have: for mentoring and being mentored, for unrealizable flirtation, for intellectual tripping, for sweaty mateship at play or at work, for spiritual ecstasy, for being held in silent grief, for explosive rage at a common enemy, for the sublime love of friendship.” There’s an entire world exterior the inflexible buildings we’ve come to take as necessities for dwelling.
“Hello Stranger” is a energetic and clever addition to a vital discourse on how not solely accessing our wishes but in addition being open about them could make us extra human, and maybe, make for a greater world. “There could possibly be a way to fold those urges into their own relationship,” Betancourt writes. “They could build a different kind of two that would allow them to find a wholeness within and outside themselves without resorting to such betrayals, such lies, such affairs.” It’s the embrace of that complexity that, Betancourt suggests, offers individuals one other option to stay.
When requested how he might write with such honesty in regards to the threat of promiscuity in the course of the AIDS epidemic, the author Douglas Crimp responded: “Because I am human.” “Hello Stranger” proves that artwork, as Crimp mentioned, “challenges not only our sense of the world, but of who we are in relation to the world … and of who we are in relation to ourselves.”
Jessica Ferri is the proprietor of Womb Home Books and the writer, most not too long ago, of “Silent Cities San Francisco.”
