I’ve at all times had excessive requirements for myself. In my life, in my relationships, and even in my magnificence and wellness rituals. I need to maximize each second of my life—and if you happen to’re studying this, you possibly can in all probability relate. For a lot of my life, I needed to work on releasing the disgrace of being “too intense” or “too ambitious” that many ladies get saddled with. However over time, I spotted there’s a positive line between holding your self to a excessive normal and holding your self hostage to perfection.
However right here’s the factor: whenever you’re used to chasing perfection, it’s simple to begin chasing approval, too. Navigating social expectations and cultural milestones could make you second-guess your self—what you need, who you might be, and whether or not you’re doing “enough.” You may get so caught up making an attempt to measure as much as the place you need to be that you find yourself on a hamster wheel, endlessly making an attempt to catch up. And no hamster wheel is extra seductive than the Scorching Woman Hamster Wheel: the set of aesthetic codes and wellness rituals we inherit by traits and custom. It’s solely whenever you step off that you simply begin to discover what really feels such as you—and what’s simply distraction dressed up as self-improvement.
Picture above from our interview with Simone Boyce
What’s the ‘Hot Girl Hamster Wheel’?
The time period ‘Hot Girl Hamster Wheel’ was coined by Katie Gatti Tassin, aka Cash With Katie, on her podcast and lately in her new ebook, Wealthy Woman Nation. However what’s the Scorching Woman Hamster Wheel? In line with Tassin, it’s “the expensive maintenance that traditional female beauty ideals prescribe: haircuts, manis/pedis, spray tans… the list goes on.” And it’s a hamster wheel due to how a lot upkeep goes into our magnificence routines. (Which may begin to really feel extra like obligations than rituals.) And, after all, the older we get, the extra strain we really feel to do extra to look perpetually 25.
As a monetary professional, Tassin approaches this topic by asking why nobody is speaking about simply how costly it’s to be a girl. The common girl spends over $3000 a yr on magnificence, and a few of us considerably extra if you happen to think about wellness remedies and in-spa procedures. However past the greenback quantity, there’s one other price of the compulsory Scorching Woman Hamster Wheel: your genuine inside radiance.
The True Value of Magnificence
Tassin acknowledges that for many people, magnificence is tied not solely to self-expression but additionally to self-care. However at what level does it shift from a wholesome approach of exhibiting up on the planet to an exhausting effort to satisfy others’ expectations?
After we step off the hamster wheel, we will reconnect with what makes us really feel like ourselves—and let go of what makes us really feel like someone else.
Beneath, we unpack how the Scorching Woman Hamster Wheel can subtly form your routines—and easy methods to reclaim your magnificence rituals with intention and ease.
Are you on the Scorching Woman Hamster Wheel?
Keep in mind how thrilling magnificence used to really feel? From my center college inauguration into sparkly lip gloss and much more sparkly eyeshadow to experimenting with merchandise in early maturity, I keep in mind how euphoric it felt to play gown up and discover pleasure in my very own face. It felt like a canvas to discover—till it didn’t. By some means, my face began to really feel like an issue to pluck and peel and paint into submission.
The worst a part of all of it? It labored. I acquired hooked on the sensation of exterior validation I acquired from performing magnificence as I had seen it marketed in magazines and on social media. Abruptly, my routine began to really feel like an obligation, not an journey.
In line with Tassin, the hamster wheel creeps up on you thru upkeep—as a result of, as she places it, “each and every treatment, service, and product must be maintained.” Like infinite streaming subscriptions, you usually don’t understand how a lot time, effort, and cash you’re spending to maintain up appearances till you pause and ask a easy query: why?
In the event you really feel such as you’re on a journey you possibly can’t get off—and your magnificence rituals go away you extra drained than fulfilled—you is likely to be on the Scorching Woman Hamster Wheel. Most of us find yourself there in some unspecified time in the future. As a magnificence editor, I’m continuously balancing my love for magnificence and wellness with the fragility of perfectionism.
However what if each step of your magnificence routine felt devotional as an alternative of dutiful? What if you happen to freed up that point, cash, and psychological area for what really brings you pleasure? Once I give attention to what feels good slightly than what earns compliments, I discover the braveness to step off the validation wheel—and again into myself.
Learn how to Step Off the Scorching Woman Hamster Wheel
Calculate the Prices
For Tassin, stepping off the Scorching Woman Hamster Wheel began with a monetary incentive. She realized she was spending greater than 10% of her annual revenue on costly magnificence upkeep. Much more alarming, she realized she usually used magnificence routines as a option to self-soothe. She would ebook a wax and hair remedy and mani-pedi at any time when she felt unhappy—at all times discovering that she emerged much less fulfilled.
Perhaps the creeping prices of your magnificence routine alarm you, too—or perhaps the toll is extra emotional. My wake-up name got here after I realized my magnificence maintenance had develop into an alternative choice to true relaxation. I used to be in search of a reset in my month-to-month facials and a second of calm in my manicures. However after I started discovering these emotions in real wellness rituals, I noticed how a lot I’d been clinging to comfort and behavior.
For you, the fee is likely to be time, effort, or choice fatigue. So usually, we pile on extra merchandise and practices with out actually being intentional about our why. And an absence of intentionality is on the coronary heart of most inside dissonance.
Pare Again Your Routine
What would occur if you happen to canceled your upkeep appointments for the following month? In the event you stripped again to the naked minimal of your magnificence rituals—from a minimalist skincare routine to a barefaced (or no-makeup make-up) product toolkit?
This isn’t about changing into a magnificence minimalist if you happen to don’t need to be. Going again to fundamentals provides you an entire reset. It additionally helps you face any residual concern about not being your most put-together self. Like moving into a chilly plunge, it may be uncomfortable at first, however you’ll be shocked at how invigorated you’re feeling after.
Have No Disgrace About Your Non-Negotiables
There are specific stuff you may not need to hand over—the rituals that really feel important to your self-expression or that you simply’ve refined over years of apply. Once I gave up mani-pedis, I spotted I didn’t want them month-to-month; saving them for an occasional deal with really made them really feel extra luxurious. However any time I’ve tried to do much less with my hair, I find yourself annoyed and, actually, barely recognizing myself within the mirror.
My month-to-month hair appointments keep. So does my elaborate skincare routine. Figuring out my non-negotiables helps me respect which rituals make me really feel most like myself—and that are merely good to have.
Reintroduce the Issues You Miss
Similar to private type, having your personal magnificence toolkit helps you outline your signature look. Ask your self: What routines make your soul sing? Which merchandise do your arms instinctively attain for? What appointments do you secretly miss including again to your calendar?
Some folks really feel bare and not using a pink lip. I used to rely mascara as my must-have—till I spotted that curling my lashes is sufficient for me (although others may contemplate that sacrilege). On the flip facet, discovering that I might by no means hand over my under-eye tightening remedy made me respect it much more. I used to fret it was “too much” and saved it for particular events, however now it’s one in all my favourite components of my each day ritual.
When each step of your routine is curated for you—not for anybody else—the dread of spending an hour in your make-up disappears. It turns into a ritual, not an obligation.
Give Your self Permission to Evolve
Tassin mentioned it finest: “[My beauty habits] were fossilized in my self-esteem. I had to chip away at a lot more than just dollars and cents in order to unpack my financial decisions in the beauty realm.”
Typically, our magnificence rituals develop into the armor we put on to really feel protected shifting by the world. They usually’re not nearly self-importance—fairly privilege is actual, together with the racial, ageist, and class-based expectations that form our definition of magnificence. Stepping off the Scorching Woman Hamster Wheel can carry up difficult feelings that run deeper than whether or not or to not ditch your lip liner.
Don’t ignore these emotions. Journal them out. Sit with them. This reflection is a part of uncovering your why—and creating area to your instinct to information your rituals, main you towards your most genuine, radiant self.
Most significantly, give your self permission to evolve. You may not change a single factor about your magnificence habits, otherwise you may allow them to shift with the seasons of your life—like intuitive consuming or dopamine dressing. What issues is that you simply lead with intention. As a result of true radiance doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from alignment.
