by Danielle S. Molnar, Daybreak Zinga, Hanna Puffer and Melissa Blackburn, The Dialog
Credit score: Pixabay/CC0 Public Area
Think about attempting to all the time seem excellent. You keep on prime of the most recent magnificence traits, excel academically and venture confidence in social settings, even whenever you’re struggling or feeling fully overwhelmed. You’re employed onerous to cover any potential flaws, always worrying that for those who stumble or present any cracks in your armor, every part will crumble.
For a lot of teenagers, the strain to venture an ideal persona feels essential to slot in, keep away from criticism and acquire approval from their friends. It is simple to assume that being excellent will make you extra likable, as a result of who would not need to be round somebody who appears to have all of it collectively?
Nonetheless, our new research reveals an ironic twist: the very effort to seem excellent may very well push others away. As an alternative, constructive interactions with friends might assist teenagers break away from the fixed want to look excellent and foster extra supportive friendships.
With our analysis, we need to make clear the hidden prices of attempting to take care of a flawless picture and reveal how letting go of this strain can pave the best way for extra genuine and supportive connections for teenagers.
Indicators of perfectionism
Perfectionistic self-presentation refers back to the effort to create and preserve a picture of perfection, the place individuals go to nice lengths to make sure they seem excellent to others. For teenagers, this typically means showcasing a refined exterior and suppressing indicators of misery, vulnerability or imperfection.
Many teenagers who interact in perfectionistic self-presentation additionally battle with emotions of insecurity. They might consider they don’t seem to be worthy of affection or help, in order that they attempt to create a flawless picture within the hopes of securing the acceptance they lengthy for.
Analysis identifies some most important elements of perfectionistic self-presentation: self-promotion, the place teenagers spotlight their achievements whereas downplaying any struggles; perfectionistic non-disclosure, the place they keep away from revealing any private challenges; and perfectionistic non-display, the place teenagers make a concerted effort to chorus from doing something that could be judged as imperfect by others.
Based on our analysis, mother and father, academics and youths ought to pay attention to the next indicators which will point out a teenager is combating the strain to seem excellent:
Hiding feelings: Suppressing indicators of misery, equivalent to unhappiness, anger or frustration, even when expressing them can be acceptable, like once they expertise a disappointment, a loss or a setback.
Issue accepting compliments: Rejecting reward or constructive suggestions as a result of they really feel like they have not totally earned it or that their picture is not “perfect” sufficient.
Unwillingness to ask for assist: Shunning reaching out for help or help as a result of they concern it should make them appear imperfect or incapable.
Outward self-promotion: Regularly discussing or showcasing successes, equivalent to awards, honors or excessive grades, to strengthen their sense of accomplishment.
Effortlessness: Downplaying the trouble behind an achievement, making any successes seem easy.
Avoiding vulnerability: Avoiding sharing their genuine ideas and experiences with buddies out of fear that displaying any flaws or struggles will result in rejection or judgment, even when these emotions aren’t essentially detrimental.
Threat aversion: Steering away from duties they may not be instantly good at and looking for extreme reassurance or steerage earlier than even beginning, fearing failure will damage their picture.
Our current research
In our current research, we requested 239 teenagers between the ages of 13 and 19 (72 p.c of whom had been feminine) to finish a collection of 4 questionnaires, spaced roughly seven months aside between October 2017 and November 2021. The questions had been designed to measure perfectionistic self-presentation, relational victimization and receipt of pro-social acts.
We discovered that the extra teenagers centered on showing flawless, whether or not by means of always displaying off achievements or hiding their actual emotions, the extra they skilled relational aggression, like gossip or social exclusion.
This helps the concept perfectionism can result in social disconnection. When teenagers prioritize an ideal picture over actual connections, it may possibly create a barrier between them and their friends. Consequently, they could battle to type significant friendships, and should even turn out to be targets of bullying as a result of their perceived perfection might make others really feel threatened or disconnected.
Our research additionally revealed that when teenagers centered on presenting a super picture and hiding their actual selves, they obtained much less kindness and help from their friends, making a cycle that solely elevated the strain to maintain up the right picture.
Over time, this will result in emotional misery, as teenagers might more and more query their self-worth and battle with deepening emotions of loneliness. The absence of significant connections can even restrict alternatives for progress and studying from friends, that are essential throughout adolescence.
Optimistic peer interactions
Fostering supportive, genuine friendships could be a essential step in decreasing the anxiousness and isolation that comes with attempting to seem excellent. Optimistic, supportive interactions with friends create the inspiration for robust and significant connections, the place teenagers can be happy to be themselves, imperfections and all. When you have a pal or relative who’s combating the strain to be excellent, listed here are some issues you may attempt:
Encourage them to share their emotions, even when issues aren’t going effectively, and guarantee them it is OK to point out vulnerability in friendships. Remind them that actual buddies settle for each other’s flaws, and that excellent friendships do not exist; what issues is help, understanding and mutual care.
Create an atmosphere the place imperfections are celebrated and assist them perceive that they matter and that they do not have to be excellent to be liked or valued. Be open about your personal struggles and present one another that vulnerability is an indication of energy, not weak point.
The truth is that needing to maintain up a picture of perfection typically retains us from constructing the supportive, significant relationships we’d like. By letting go of the necessity to seem flawless and embracing imperfections, we open the door to extra real relationships the place we will obtain the care and understanding we deserve.
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Strain to look excellent can pressure teen relationships, however kindness from friends may also help (2025, March 8)
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